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A Mother’s Day Message

A Mother's Day Message

For some of us, Mother’s Day is a day of celebration and recognition for the mothers in our lives. For others, Mother’s Day is a painful reminder of what is missing. You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t longing for that special child who will one day make you a mother.

As an adoptive mother myself, who experienced many years of infertility and waiting, I vividly remember the dread I felt as Mother’s Day approached. As the years passed waiting for a child of my own, it became more and more difficult to put on a happy face and “celebrate” Mother’s Day with friends and family. I resented my friends who became mothers so easily, but also felt guilty for the resentment and anger I felt. After all, it wasn’t their fault I wasn’t a mother, but wanted to be one so deeply it hurt.

Fast forward to when I adopted my son and my first Mother’s Day as a mother. I was flooded with bittersweet emotions; happy beyond words because my dreams had finally come true, but also keenly aware of the sadness and yearning I had felt not that long ago.

Unfortunately, there is nothing I or anyone else can say that will take the sting out of this day. I want you to remember that these feelings won’t last forever and I want you to take comfort in knowing you aren’t alone. The baby who will finally make you a mother is out there! We work day and night to try and find that baby for each and every one of you.

Don’t forget that I UNDERSTAND what you are going through and I am here to help you through this. I am only a text, email or phone call away.

With Love,

Carol  

#lovemakesafamily

#lovemakesafamily

At Everlasting Adoptions, we believe a family is defined by LOVE and have successfully placed many single parent, same sex and multiracial families. In fact, 31% of our placements in the last 18 months have been with single mothers and same sex couples! If you are ready to grow your family, no matter what that family looks like, give Everlasting Adoptions a call at 310-844-1966.

#lovemakesafamily #familybuilder

Adoption Theme Movies & Books of 2018

Adoption has become more and more mainstream in the last several years. Many movies and TV shows attempt to portray adoption and foster care. One obvious example of this is the super popular TV show This Is Us. With every episode tugging at the viewers’ heartstrings and giving us all the feels, most would say the show does a pretty good job portraying the highs and lows of adoption. Some portrayals are better than others at accurately depicting these life-changing events. Books, movies and TV shows that have a positive message on adoption and foster care can be a wonderful resource for anyone, whether personally touched by adoption or not. As with everything, your personal narrative and life experience will play a role in determining what is the right message for you and your family.

Adoption Theme Movies of 2018

Adoption Theme Movies & Books of 2018

Despicable Me 3   A continuation of the story of former supervillain, Gru and his wife, Lucy who are adoptive parents to their daughters, Margo, Edith and Agnes. While the plot is not as focused on adoption as the previous movies, it is theme that is intertwined in the storyline in a positive way.

 

Adoption Theme Movies & Books of 2018

 

Instant Family   Idealistic couple Ellie and Pete find themselves overwhelmed when they open up their home to foster teenager Lizzy (and her two younger siblings, Juan and Lita. With the help of fellow foster parents and agency workers, they learn to navigate the joys and pitfalls of parenting to become a modern family.

 

 

Adoption Theme Movies & Books of 2018

 

Private Life   This Netflix original explores a topic that is oftentimes closely related to adoption; infertility. Married couple, Richard and Rachel who are in their 40’s are in the throes of infertility. The movie takes a very real look into IVF, adoption and egg donation.

 

 

Adoption Theme Movies & Books of 2018

 

The Storyteller   Jen is adopted by Maggie and her husband after spending time in foster care. After Maggie’s husband dies and Abby joins the family, Jen and Maggie’s relationship becomes tumultuous. This movie is a testament to the true meaning of family and belonging.

 

 

Adoption at the Movies is a fantastic resource to find information and reviews on all adoption theme movies, new and old.

Adoption Theme Books of 2018

Adoptive Families put together this wonderfully comprehensive list of 21 Noteworthy Adoption Books Published in 2018. Books are a great way to explore complicated topics with children at an age appropriate level. It can also be extremely valuable for individuals involved in the adoption process to gain an understanding from other perspectives. A book written by a birth mother would be an important read for prospective adoptive parents to gain perspective and empathy. So make some time in your busy day to curl up with a good book from this list.

The Three P’s of Adoption

There are the three P’s of success, the three P’s of business, but have you heard of the three P’s of adoption? We have put together a list of three P’s necessary to have a successful adoption journey regardless the outcome. Our three P’s of adoption are profile, patience and peace. Everlasting Adoption’s Founder, Director and adoptive mother herself, Carol weighs in on our third P, peace, which was extremely important to her during her own adoption journey.

The Three P’s of Adoption

Profile
If you are at all familiar with adoption, you know how important a profile is to marketing yourself to birth mothers. In a process that is largely outside of your control, an adoption profile is one of the few aspects you can dictate. Whether you create your own or hire someone to make a profile for you, make sure you have put sufficient thought and effort into its creation. Our article on 5 Tips to Create a Stand Out Adoption Profile is a great place to start to gather tips on making the best profile possible. This is the very first impression you make on birth mothers, so it is important to use eye catching, professional looking photos and informative, concise and descriptive text.

Patience
This P is certainly easier said than done. Such a stressful and emotional process doesn’t really make it easy to be patient. The not knowing and waiting can be excruciating. According to Adoption Center it can take between 2 and 7 years to adopt a healthy infant. With numbers like that, patience is key to making it through the process in one piece.

One way to help maintain patience is to recruit your spouse, friend or family member to be the voice of reason. When they see you overly fraught with worry or stress, it is their job to help you relax. However they choose to do this is up to them. It is always helpful to have someone on the outside keep an eye on things that we are unable to see ourselves. Another way to help exercise patience is to keep busy. Immerse yourself in things you enjoy; yoga, reading, home decorating. Whatever your thing is, spending your time in these activities instead of obsessing over getting “the call” will help you find peace, which is our third P.

Peace
With the Christmas holiday fast approaching, the word “peace” is often used. How does peace relate to adoption? Our founder, Carol had some valuable insight on the importance of finding peace during the process and a special message to all waiting families.

“As I went through the adoption journey with my husband, the most significant thing I learned was that you must make peace with yourself, as you are right now, even if you do not reach your dream of adopting. I went through 12 years of infertility my choice and 2 failed adoptions before our miracle came The Three P’s of Adoptionto us!

Adoption comes with many challenges and can sometimes be an emotional roller coaster ride. You cannot start to travel down this road without making peace with your life as it currently is. If you are unsettled and feeling you can’t go on without a child or another child to fulfill your life, the road will be full of bumps, setbacks and disappointments. If I only knew back then to work hard at starting out with a peaceful mindset, one that has no expectations, our journey would have been a lot smoother; a lot more peaceful.

My best advice to anyone considering or going through the adoption journey right now, is to make a sound decision to be peaceful no matter what the outcome. If it doesn’t happen, then believe, with all your heart, that it wasn’t meant to be. It may be cliché, but it has proven time and again to be so true. If you do adopt successfully, then peace will still be with you because it was there from the get-go.

Adoption and the entire process truly makes you see the world through different eyes. It is amazingly divine. May this holiday season bring you amazingly, divine PEACE.”

Nontraditional Family Adoptions

august artcile

If you were asked to define “family”, how would you answer? A mom, dad and their children? Two dads or two moms? A single mom? According to a 2016 United States Census Bureau report, 31% of American families do not consist of the “traditional” two parent household. Of those nontraditional households, 23% are children living with a single mother. Even though the demographic is relatively small, according to data obtained from The Williams Institute, roughly 1.4% of two parent households were made up of same sex couples, in 2016.

Nontraditional Family Adoptions

Simply put, many children biological or otherwise are raised in what would be considered nontraditional family structures.

More and more children are being adopted into these nontraditional households. Thirty years ago, adoption outside of an opposite sex, married couple household was almost unheard of. Today, because of great strides made in civil rights and gender equality, our ideas on who can and should adopt have dramatically changed. Some interesting statistics collected by the writers at Good Housekeeping may surprise you.

  • 40% of adopted children are of a different race, culture, or ethnicity than one or both their adoptive parents.
  • Of same-sex couples raising children, 19% have at least one adopted child.
  • It is estimated that approximately 25% of special needs adoption and 5% of total adoptions are attributed to single parents.
  • Single parent and same sex adoption are legal in all 50 states.

At Everlasting Adoptions, we believe a family is defined by LOVE and have successfully placed many single parent, same sex and multiracial families. In fact, 31% of our placements in the last 18 months have been with single mothers and same sex couples!

Happy Mother’s Day

Mothers Day 2018 low qual

Happy Mother’s Day from Everlasting Adoptions! Whether you’ve been blessed to become a mother biologically, through adootion or if you are still waiting for your Mother’s Day; you are stronger than you will ever know. No matter what path your journey takes, there are challenges along the way. Make today a day to celebrate you, your perseverance and all the love you have in your heart even if your journey to motherhood is not yet complete.

National Birth Mother’s Day: We Thank You Today & Every Day!

BM Day correct date smaller size

The staff and adoptive parents at Everlasting Adoptions want to thank all birth mothers for their incredible acts of love. Our families wouldn’t exist without them. Not a day goes by that we don’t recognize how their greatest sacrifice has brought our families their greatest joy. Our adoptive parents reached out to us to share their experiences and how their birth mothers’ selfless acts of bravery have forever changed their lives.

“We have adopted both of our children through Everlasting Adoptions and both are the biggest blessings of our lives! In February our daughter, Avalyn Elise, was born. Her birth mother, Hayley, has been so amazing through this process. Truly, we have gained a friend in her along the way. She is humble, caring, and so sweet. We had the pleasure of spending time with her 2 weeks before Avalyn “Ava” was born and then spent 11 days with her after she was born. We have seen the emotions that this incredibly selfless sacrifice brings and we could not be more honored and excited that she chose us! We love our birth mothers dearly and think of them every day. We have been beyond blessed with our gifts of life!” – Gennifer & William

National Birth Mother’s Day: We Thank You Today & Every Day!

“As mother’s day approaches, we plan a family activity to do together to celebrate the gift of motherhood. But, as an adoptive family, we are also reminded of how much we owe to another mother in our lives; our son’s birth mom. I could not celebrate mother’s day without her. We would not be a family without her. My son wouldn’t even be alive without her. What am amazing gift! It is something that can’t be taken lightly. To all birth moms who sought or are seeking a family for their children, and especially to our birth mom, Tamecka, thank you so much for exhibiting the kind of selflessness and love this world needs.

National Birth Mother’s Day: We Thank You Today & Every Day!

We are especially thankful Tamecka is someone who will be supportive of our son and open to sharing with him his birth family history. Initially while deciding to adopt, a major concern I had was that a birth mom would try to “steal” their affection away, but I now feel comforted knowing that when Jacob seeks a relationship with Tamecka, she will totally support my motherhood while also being an awesome birth mom herself! Shortly after meeting Tamecka, I soon came to see her as another person to love our son, and, really, we could all use one of those!” – Lindsey & Stephen

“The connection with birth mom, Kelly was divine and something we will treasure and cherish forever.” – Sara & Brian

“I’m so grateful to Xavier’s birth mother for the incredible sacrifice she has made. I cannot imagine my life without this little man.” – Barbara

With both Jessica and Jonathan and their birth mom being just a few hours away from each other and in the same state, they had the extraordinary opportunity to develop a deep relationship with Lucia. Not only were they able to get to know Lucia on so many different levels, they were able to get to know her little boy as well. They enjoyed many outings together. From golfing and swimming to apple picking and magic shows, there was never a lack of laughter and smiles when they were around each other! They of course made sure to gather for meals, eating everyone’s favorite foods! Lucia, Jessica and Jonathan spent so much time also getting to know the precious baby boy that was kicking away in her belly.

National Birth Mother’s Day: We Thank You Today & Every Day!

This time together allowed them to share so much about their lives and provided love and support that went much farther than their adoption. Knowing that having an open adoption was crucial to Lucia’s adoption plan, being able to spend so much time together allowed them to learn so much about each other and build a strong foundation for their future.

“We had the opportunity to go spend time with our daughter’s birth mom and sisters a few months ago and it was a joy! We didn’t know what an open adoption would look like, but we have grown to love her birth mom, Jenn, like she’s a part of our family. We spent 5 days together in May and had such a sweet time. We don’t know what it will look like over the years, but we’re confident that our growing relationship with Jenn and her daughter will be an important part of our family forever.” – Lisa & Bill

“Our hearts constantly felt love and gratefulness for not only our birth mom, but our genuine connection.” – Amber & Jeremy

The stories of love and gratitude for birth mothers are unending. We could never adequately express our appreciation for their courage, but we hope that birth mothers everywhere can take this small gesture as a token of our appreciation.

Why Some Adoption Matches Fail

Pregnant woman using phone in bed

After waiting for months and months for a birth mother to show interest in you, you finally receive “the call”. A birth mom likes your profile and wants to get to know you better (in an open or semi-open adoption situation)! In the adoption world, this is called a match. You are overjoyed and begin to imagine all the life experiences you can’t wait to share with a child. It is impossible to not get emotionally invested at this point.

You’ve spoken to the birth mother several times and feel as if you have a great connection with her. The car seat is purchased, the nursery is decorated and the hospital bag is ready. All of a sudden the birth mom stops returning your calls and texts. You don’t want to think the worst, but your adoption facilitator prepares you for a grim reality; this may be a failed match. Your facilitator or attorney finally reach the potential birth mom to learn that she has, in fact, changed her mind and decided to parent. You are heart broken; experiencing grief as devastating as the years of infertility you’ve previously faced.

When adoptive parent(s) are finally matched to a birth mother, there are immense feelings of excitement and a renewed sense of hope. Embrace these feelings and share your excitement, but also be aware that this isn’t the end of the road. An adoption match is not set in stone and can fall through for a variety of reasons. Here are a few reasons an adoption match may fail and some red flags to look out for.

What Are Some Reasons Adoption Matches Fall Through

1. A positive, yet no less devastating reason that an adoption match fails is the birth mother or birth parents decide to parent. When a biological parent chooses to raise their child, it can’t be described as a loss; at least for the birth parent(s). However, it certainly feels like a loss for potential adoptive parents. In some situations, birth mothers find a support system that they may not have initially had. Perhaps the birth father, a grandparent or family member has stepped up to provide emotional and/or financial support. In other circumstances, the  birth mother may have sought out counseling and found the strength and support she needed to make a different decision. Regardless, the most important factor to consider is the hope that the child will be raised in a stable home, filled with love.

2. Another reason some adoption matches fail, is less benign. In some cases, a birth parent never had the intention of creating an adoption plan, instead they use their pregnancy or fabricate a pregnancy as a means to obtain money from vulnerable prospective adoptive parents.

Assistance and guidance in avoiding adoption scams are one reason working with an adoption professional can save you time, money and heartache in the long run. An adoption facilitator, like Everlasting Adoptions has years of experience working with birth mothers. They know the red flags to look out for that could indicate a possible fraudulent situation. They also perform some extent of birth mother vetting before matching them with adoptive parents. Nonetheless, adoption scams still happen. Here are a few red flags to look out for when you are matched with a birth mom:

  • Avoidance to share personal information, like proof of pregnancy, phone number or address.
  • Direct and urgent requests for money.
  • Over eager to bond, while knowing little about you.
  • Reluctance to speak with your adoption facilitator or attorney.

It is important to be aware that adoption scams do exist, but not to have extreme paranoia regarding every birth parent. Most birth mothers simply want what is best for their babies.

3.  As the relationship progresses, either the birth mother or potential adoptive parents decide the match isn’t right for a variety of personal reasons. There are so many factors that are involved in this life changing decision, that it would be impossible to list all of the reasons why a match can fail for personal reasons. It can be difficult to accept when a match fails this way, especially when the other party is not privy to the exact reasons why. Just know that a relationship of this magnitude, that can potentially last a lifetime, needs to be thoroughly considered and both sides should feel 100% confident in their decision.

There are no concrete statistics on what percent of adoption matches fail because it is such a difficult number to obtain. It is important to be aware that these situations do occur, but in no way reflect a failing on the adoptive parents’ part. It is devastating and the loss should be mourned, but it is even more important to not lose hope in the process and that the right birth mother and baby ARE out there.